The Importance of Sexual Self-Esteem: A Deep Dive


What is Sexual Self-Esteem?

Sexual esteem refers to the level of confidence and self-worth a person has in relation to their sexuality. It encompasses how we feel about our bodies, our desires and preferences, and our ability to communicate and engage in sexual experiences in ways that feel safe, satisfying, and fulfilling.

Developing sexual esteem is an important part of our overall well-being and can have a positive impact on our relationships and our mental health. When we feel good about our sexuality, we are more likely to have satisfying and enjoyable sexual experiences, communicate our needs and boundaries effectively, and feel empowered and in control of our bodies and desires.

However, developing sexual esteem isn't always easy. Society often sends messages that shame and stigmatize sexuality, particularly for marginalized communities. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment around our sexual desires and experiences.

The Statistics: A Snapshot of Sexual Self-Esteem

Understanding the state of sexual self-esteem globally can be challenging due to cultural differences and taboos around discussing sexuality. However, research has shown that many people struggle with sexual self-esteem issues. 

According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2019, approximately 37% of women and 32% of men reported low sexual self-esteem. These figures indicate that a significant portion of the population may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or insecurity in their sexual lives.

Sexual Self-Esteem in Men vs. Women

Sexual self-esteem can present differently in men and women due to societal norms and expectations. 

Men and Sexual Self-Esteem

For men, societal expectations often tie sexual self-esteem to performance and endurance. Men may feel pressure to initiate sex, maintain an erection, and ensure their partner's satisfaction. These pressures can lead to performance anxiety and negatively impact sexual self-esteem. 

Men's sexual self-esteem can also be affected by body image issues. Despite the stereotype that body image concerns predominantly affect women, men can also feel insecure about their physical appearance, including their body shape, size, and genitalia.

Women and Sexual Self-Esteem

For women, sexual self-esteem is often tied to physical attractiveness and the ability to please a partner. Many women may feel pressure to conform to societal beauty standards, which can lead to body dissatisfaction and impact their sexual self-esteem.

Moreover, female sexual desire and pleasure have historically been marginalized, leading some women to struggle with expressing their sexual needs. This can result in a diminished sense of sexual self-esteem.

Tips for Boosting Your Sexual Self-Esteem

Improving sexual self-esteem can lead to healthier relationships, increased satisfaction, and overall improved well-being. Here are a few strategies anyone can apply:

1. Practice Self-Love and Acceptance

Accepting and loving your body can significantly improve your sexual self-esteem. This means acknowledging that no one is perfect and that the idealized images we see in the media are not realistic standards to live by. 

2. Open Communication

Communicate openly with your partner about your desires and insecurities. A supportive and understanding partner can play a crucial role in boosting your sexual self-esteem.

3. Educate Yourself

Sex education doesn't stop after high school. Learn about sexual health, sexual responses, and different types of sexual activities. Understanding the mechanics of sex can help dispel myths and reduce anxiety.

4. Seek Professional Help

Therapists, coaches and sex educators can be instrumental in addressing sexual self-esteem issues. They can provide a safe space for discussing your concerns, along with offering strategies and resources to improve your sexual self-confidence.

5. Joyful Movement

Joyful movement, an approach to physical activity that encourages individuals to engage in exercises that they find enjoyable and satisfying, can have profound impacts on one's sexual self-esteem. By fostering a positive relationship with the body, joyful movement can lead to improved body image and confidence, which are key components of sexual self-esteem. When individuals feel good in their bodies and appreciate what they can do, they are more likely to feel comfortable and confident in sexual situations. This sense of embodied positivity can enhance intimacy, satisfaction, and overall sexual health.

6. Focus on Pleasure, Not Performance

Sex should be about mutual pleasure and intimacy, not just performance. Concentrate on what feels good, rather than worrying about satisfying certain standards or expectations.

7. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts about your body or sexual performance can significantly reduce your sexual self-esteem. When these thoughts emerge, challenge them with positive affirmations and remind yourself of your worth and value.

8. Set Boundaries

Your comfort and consent are paramount in any sexual activity. Setting boundaries and ensuring they are respected can help increase your sense of control and boost your sexual self-esteem.


Sexual self-esteem is a critical aspect of our overall self-esteem and well-being. Despite societal pressures and expectations, it's essential to remember that everyone deserves to feel confident, valued, and satisfied in their sexual lives. It's okay to seek help, educate yourself, and take steps towards increasing your sexual self-esteem. After all, as the renowned sex therapist Esther Perel stated, our sexuality is a vital part of who we are, and we should feel empowered to express it fully and confidently.


Popular posts from this blog

Reiki Energy and Sound Healing

5 Days of Body Positivity: Day Four

Embracing Sexuality: Plus-Size Edition